The Other Side of Fear
I did not want to publish this blog. I resisted doing it. It is uncomfortable. But I am doing it anyway.
I am afraid of being seen, afraid people will hate this, afraid to share my opinions on what actually matters, what I’ve learned about how we can solve systemic inequalities and ecological breakdown.
Your heart may want to go in one direction, while fear sends warning signals to keep you away from it. To keep you safe. It could be that someone or something hurt you in the past, and you are projecting that danger onto the present, even if your present has nothing to do with it.
I have a million reasons that I could use to justify shrinking away from the world and hiding, and a million reasons to close my heart off.
Part of my brain is trying to protect me from experiencing that pain again. Many times in my past, things happened where being seen came with pain and loss; visibility or closeness came with danger. Praise, a precursor to pain.
The warning signals I have found—while they are important, and they might keep you safe from potential pain—they keep you where you are. Acknowledging the signals, but refusing to close down, is the only way I have found to move into something new.
I’m afraid of being judged. But I’ll do it judged. I’ll publish my blog, judged. I’ll step in front of the camera, judged. I’ll be visible and judged. And while I would love to tell you that staying open and authentic is a smooth ride, it is not for the faint of heart.
Dr. Katherine Wilkinson said to me in an interview, “Sometimes I want to say ‘I don’t feel hopeful today.’” And I have found that taking consistent action even when you don’t feel the “hope” is just as important, if not more, than when you do. Whether you feel the hope or not, you act, and you do not stop.
In her book, Climate Wayfinding, she challenges the reader to embrace the feelings and emotions they have about the climate crisis. I think the same holds true for most things in life.
You need to feel what you feel. Suppressing it does not make it go away. Embracing it may hurt, but it gives you clarity and, ultimately, the way forward.
You stop letting the pain dictate what you do about it, and you start doing the things that matter to you.
As much as my brain might scream at me to distract myself from the discomfort, the pain, and the fear, it is only in embracing them that I’m able to receive what’s on the other side.
The same may be true for you as well.
Mike
Photo credit: Centennial Parklands, Sydney, Australia. Photo by Me (Mike DiGirolamo).